George Killians Irish Red

GENERAL INFORMATION

• Name: George Killian's Irish Red
• Origin: USA (With an old Irish recipe)
• Type: Premium Lager
  

REVIEWS

TheBraveLittleToaster:

• Taste: Smooth, smooth, smooth. This is definitely one cool beer. It has a rich taste that is not overbearing but it's not watered down, either. This beer is a smooth swallow, like a gel caplet, and before you know the beer is all gone like your virginity after prom
• Color: A HOT RED HEAD (WITH A FUCKED UP CAPS LOCK KEY.)
• Bottle Appearance: A smart mature-looking beer bottle. Great eye catching long neck bottle.
• Density: Not too dense; it's just right
• Opinion:

  Hell yes, this is a great brew. A strong mature taste that is easy to take
  down. This is certainly a beer you have go out there and try for yourself.
  Like
  when your best friends tells you to lick a girls ass hole for the first
  time,
  you just gotta try it.*

*TheBraveLittleToaster recommends this procedure to be done during or right
after a shower for best results.

• Recommended For:

  Everyone, no matter the age. Kids, steal mommy's hard earned cash and go out
  there and get this beer, but whatever you do, don't drink and drive, you
  just might spill this amazing lager and then be condemned to hell without
  parole.

Final Score: 9.0

TheSickness:

• Taste: Smooth, lightly roasted taste.
• Color: The distinct reddish color is distinguishable even when poured draft. It's like that one hot Irish chick you banged back in college who you happen to see at a bar and recognize her by hair color alone.... that whore.
• Density: Medium
• Bottle: It is has a long, sophisticated shape, with what looks like either a chess piece or Mr. Ed as the logo. I was not aware horses enjoyed beer.
• Opinion:

  This smooth lager almost looks like a wine, with its reddish tint. It's
  extremely refreshing and easy to drink. Be warned, however, it is stronger
  than
  it tastes and your liver will feel the impact. A smaller ratio of hops
  reduces
  the bittery aftertaste to almost nothing. Nothing says you are a
  tasteful person
  like a redhead beer and some fucking horses. (The 'fucking
  horses' was thrown in
  there for emphasis on horses and manliess, not on
  'horse fucking' per se. Just
  clarifying).

• Recommended for:

  A night out with the boys, for when you want to seem sophisticated, despite your
  inherent inability to spell sophisticated after drinking a few of these. That or
  if you want to fuck a horse, I guess?

Final Score: 9.3

CHICK'S PICK

8

THE VERDICT:

Smooth. Clean. Amazing. Like recently shaved genitalia, this beer is nothing short of enticing. The robust flavor mix, unlike most other lagers that are often overbearing, manages to stay cool and refreshing. All reviewers gave it a strong rating. It can mess you up and also cool you down. Guys, order one for your friends who claim you have questionable beer choices; you will gain respect.

Redhook ESB

GENERAL INFORMATION

• Name: Redhook ESB
• Origin: USA (NH)
• Type: Ale

REVIEWS

TheBraveLittleToaster:

• Taste: A bitter pleasant flavor that disappears after you swallow (hehe... swallow). Its coparable to toasted almonds or burnt incense
• Color: A gold amber color; the bubbles sit in perfect harmony afloat the top of the head (hehe... head...). Almost a light Bronze color (third place sucks but I would take this Bronze trophy beer any day at any time)
• Density: Semi-dense, like home made iced tea
• Bottle Appearance: A bad mix of non-eye-catching colors. The monkey shit yellow and menstrual red may turn you away but don't be fooled.
• Opinion:
  

  A good bitter beer with a curiously interesting taste. I'm serious: try this beer. Stop fucking reading and go buy the beer now before the world ends and family guy starts on Comedy Central.

• Recommended for:

Those who are bitter beer enthusiasts or had a previous bad experience with a
bitter beer and you want to witness the rebirth of bitter beers or
the second coming of Christ (hehe... coming).

• Final Score: 8.5

TheSickness:

• Taste: Tasty, but slightly bitter
• Color: Like a beautiful blonde maiden
• Density: Sort-of thick
• Bottle Appearance: Pleasing, non-offensive colors with good use of adjectives "Liquid Goodness"
• Opinion:
  
  

  A good refreshing beer that has a distinct bitterness that leaves you
  questioning your reality. After a few sips, you start to ease into it. The more
  you get into it, the more it becomes enjoyable, until, finally, you reach your
  climax, much like anal sex. After you're done, there is an awkward silence and
  uncomfortable small talk. You then say to yourself that you will never try
  this again... but you know that you will.

• Recommended for:
  
  

  One night stands, people who want to enjoy a tasty ale.

• Final Score: 8.2
  

CHICK'S PICK:
6

THE VERDICT:

This beer is definitely an experience, one that you will undoubtedly question the morning after. It is a good beer, and it's sure to gain fans. It's your guilty pleasure, and we wouldn't have it any other way.