The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars, (By Mars, I mean Microbreweries) Part 1 of 2

Judgement Day is Here for the Titanic Brewery

Titanic Brewery Facts

• Open since 1995
• Located at 5813 Ponce De Leon Blvd Coral Gables, FL

The Full Review Experience had 3 steps

1. Selecting a beer to review

This step may seem easy, but it was far from it. With six beers to explore we decided it would be better if we each pick one beer to review and we both review the other's choice. How the hell did we pick our beer? We then looked at the menu and found the answer. We ordered the Titanic Porthole sampler, which is a platter that allowed us to sample each of the beers. Now because men are all about competition (real men, that is) we had a hard time deciding who picked first. So we did what our four fathers did to settle disputes or what the jury did to decided if OJ was innocent or guilty. Paper. Rock. Scissors.

There were 3 rounds of paper rock scissors and the winner was: The Brave Little Toaster winning 2 out of 3 rounds. After tasting all the different brews, we had to vote off the beers one by one like in Survivor. With all that said and done our choices came down to:

• The Brave Little Toaster (a/k/a TBLT) picks Shipbuilders Oatmeal Stout.
  
• The Sickness (a/k/a TS) picks Boiler Room Nut Brown Ale.
  

2. Dinner.

Man was the food great. We both had steaks and they had more meat on them then Nicole Ritchie, (which really isn't saying much but you get where we're headed with this). The sides, the entrees, and even the water was amazing.

3. The Trial (Review)

First beer to stand Trial: Shipbuilder's Oatmeal Stout. (TBLT choice)

Note: The style of this review will be less formal, but just as great. Each beer will have 7 random ass questions asked about them (oh, and they will be random). We each took turns asking the questions.

The Review

Reminder TBLT = The Brave Little Toaster and TS = The Sickness

1st Question - What do you see? (Asked by TBLT based strictly on looks)

TS = The father of Guinness

TBLT = Nothing its (The beer) to dark to see anything in the glass or through it

2nd Question - What does it remind you of, look wise?(Asked by TS based strictly on looks)

TBLT = My last overdue oil change

TS = "The Souls of Black Folks" by W.E.B Dubois

3rd Question - First Sip; do you regret it? (Asked by TBLT based on taste)

TS = No, but a few more and I'm sure I will

TBLT = No, but remember curiosity killed the cat .


4th Question - What's the taste comparable to? (Asked by TS based on taste)

TBLT - Half a melted Hershey's dark chocolate bar with a lot of coffee beans.

TS - Straight up coffee and nuts. (No Homo).

TBLT - Alright, before you answer the next question, I need you to REALLY THINK about your answer.

TS - Okay.

5th Question - Can you chug this beer? (Asked by TBLT based on taste)

TS - Yes, but it would be my last drink as my liver will implode and my tongue will melt.

TBLT - Yes I can my pleasure. Waiter!

/TBLT ordered 2 pints of Shipbuilder's Oatmeal Stout

/While waiting ......

6th Question - If this beer was a sexual position which would it be? (Asked by TS based on random shit)

TBLT - Doggy

TS - Anal (Any Position)

/Drinks arrive

TS: Oh shit... Are we really going to chug this?

TBLT: Yes. I told you to really think about your answer. I warned you.

TheSickness reaction - ":-\"

TheBraveLittleToaster reaction - "You gotta do what you gotta do, son"

/Chug.

After finishing at the same time, TBLT asked:

7th Question - First thought after chug?

TS: Man, this is why there is an age restriction on beer.

TBLT: /Burp.

FINAL THOUGHTS

TheBraveLittleToaster:

Deep hints of chocolate and roasted coffee beans. For a microbrewed beer, it's not bad at all. It has an acquired taste to it like celery or asparagus.

Overall rating from TBLT = 6.5

TheSickness:

Fuck. This shit is strong but curiously tasty; it's the altoids of beer. I said my prayers and survived. Children, do not drink this beer. DUI, here I come!

Overall rating from TS = 6.8

(Random ass picture of the brewery)

STAY TUNED FOR PART II....

Q & A With a Special Guest....

Q & A with a Special Guest...

Topic: Microbreweries

Due to our uncontrollable excitement to visit the Titanic Brewery, we decided to write a small question and answer segment to help you understand the ins and outs of a microbrewery. Luckily for you, we have a former president who will be asking the questions. I give you, Mr. George Walker Bush. Ask away, Mr. Bush.

Q:

"What the Fuck is a Microbrewery? Is that the shit aliens shoved in Cartman's ass in South Park?"

A:

That's a good question, Mr. Bush. A microbrewery or a craft brewery is a brewery that produces a limited amount of beer.To answer your second question, no, it has nothing to do with Cartman's anus or with aliens. What was stuck in his fat ass was an anal probe.

Q:

"Just how much beer are we talking about? What's the limit?"

A:

Another brilliant question Mr. Bush, now don't strain your brain with all that thinking. Here take a seat and do absolutely nothing (Like you did as President.) Let us do all the work.

In order to be classified as a microbrewery a brewery must produce less then a limit that is set by the region and authorities where the brewery is located. However the average max limit is 15,000 barrels of beer a year, which is basically 475,000 gallons of beer a year.

That face says it all. Now while Mr. Bush reflects on his childhood and how he fucked America over, let us explore the great unsinkable Titanic Brewery.

The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars, (By Mars, I mean Microbreweries)

Coming Soon --- Brew ReviewsMIA hits the roads of the sexiest city on earth, Miami. We take a closer look at the beers local microbreweries have to offer. Remember, it's not always about the quantity it's more about the quality, and small batch beer companies concentrate mostly on quality.

This month we check out the brews at the Titanic Brewery in Coral Gables, FL. Will their beers pass the test? Or will they sink like the Titanic? Look out Titanic Brewery, here come the select and trained palates of TheBraveLittleToaster and TheSickness; and this time there is no Jack to hold your hand and save the day. Check it out after you read the review, so then you can decide whether to drive, fly, take a bus, a bike, a walk, jog, run, or swim.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8ZC9d1FmS4

George Killians Irish Red

GENERAL INFORMATION

• Name: George Killian's Irish Red
• Origin: USA (With an old Irish recipe)
• Type: Premium Lager
  

REVIEWS

TheBraveLittleToaster:

• Taste: Smooth, smooth, smooth. This is definitely one cool beer. It has a rich taste that is not overbearing but it's not watered down, either. This beer is a smooth swallow, like a gel caplet, and before you know the beer is all gone like your virginity after prom
• Color: A HOT RED HEAD (WITH A FUCKED UP CAPS LOCK KEY.)
• Bottle Appearance: A smart mature-looking beer bottle. Great eye catching long neck bottle.
• Density: Not too dense; it's just right
• Opinion:

  Hell yes, this is a great brew. A strong mature taste that is easy to take
  down. This is certainly a beer you have go out there and try for yourself.
  Like
  when your best friends tells you to lick a girls ass hole for the first
  time,
  you just gotta try it.*

*TheBraveLittleToaster recommends this procedure to be done during or right
after a shower for best results.

• Recommended For:

  Everyone, no matter the age. Kids, steal mommy's hard earned cash and go out
  there and get this beer, but whatever you do, don't drink and drive, you
  just might spill this amazing lager and then be condemned to hell without
  parole.

Final Score: 9.0

TheSickness:

• Taste: Smooth, lightly roasted taste.
• Color: The distinct reddish color is distinguishable even when poured draft. It's like that one hot Irish chick you banged back in college who you happen to see at a bar and recognize her by hair color alone.... that whore.
• Density: Medium
• Bottle: It is has a long, sophisticated shape, with what looks like either a chess piece or Mr. Ed as the logo. I was not aware horses enjoyed beer.
• Opinion:

  This smooth lager almost looks like a wine, with its reddish tint. It's
  extremely refreshing and easy to drink. Be warned, however, it is stronger
  than
  it tastes and your liver will feel the impact. A smaller ratio of hops
  reduces
  the bittery aftertaste to almost nothing. Nothing says you are a
  tasteful person
  like a redhead beer and some fucking horses. (The 'fucking
  horses' was thrown in
  there for emphasis on horses and manliess, not on
  'horse fucking' per se. Just
  clarifying).

• Recommended for:

  A night out with the boys, for when you want to seem sophisticated, despite your
  inherent inability to spell sophisticated after drinking a few of these. That or
  if you want to fuck a horse, I guess?

Final Score: 9.3

CHICK'S PICK

8

THE VERDICT:

Smooth. Clean. Amazing. Like recently shaved genitalia, this beer is nothing short of enticing. The robust flavor mix, unlike most other lagers that are often overbearing, manages to stay cool and refreshing. All reviewers gave it a strong rating. It can mess you up and also cool you down. Guys, order one for your friends who claim you have questionable beer choices; you will gain respect.

Hook and Ladder Golden Ale

GENERAL INFORMATION






• Name: Hook and Ladder Golden Ale
• Origin: USA (NY)
• Type: Ale

REVIEWS

TheBraveLittleToaster:

• Taste: A very crisp, golden refreshing brew that quenches even the deepest thirst. It's a smooth and easy swallow with a spicy after note. I like to consider this the Gatorade of beers, because it beats the shit out of your thirst, a beating only surpassed by the one Chris Brown put on Rihanna.
• Color: Deep gold with a light copper hint
• Bottle Apperance: Not an amazing bottle apperance. I like to think they put all their effort on what's inside and not what's on the outside, sort of like what God does when he creates ugly chicks. Still, because it's for a great cause and the beer rocks, I forgive the shitty non-creative "let-your-4-year-old-adopted-son-with-social-anxiety-disorder-choose-the-beer-bottle-apperance" look. So played out.
• Density: Light to Medium.
• Opinion:
  

  This is a great grown up beer. Kids, go to sleep early, daddy's drinking and he
  just might hit mommy*. This brew has a great balance of hops and barley that
  satifies your insides. *TheBraveLittleToaster does not condone domestic
  violence; please keep in mind if you drink, don't beat (unless it's your
  dick)**. **Not valid in Texas.

• Recommended For:

  Big Boys, fanatics of a full tasting beer, people stuck in traffic, people
  whose air conditioning has broken. Also, marathon runners, mechanics, pilots
  of
  South West airlines and alcholics that need a reason to get back in the
  game.
  (Keep in mind that for every barrel of beer sold, Hook and Ladder
  donates money
  to a local fire house).

Final Score: 9.3

TheSickness:

• Taste: Cool, rich, refreshing taste. Like a thousand celestial angels urinating into my mouth at once, damning my thirst to hell.
• Color: Rich amber color, like rich grains of freedom.
• Bottle Appearance: Aesthetically pleasing, it is almost as if the bottle is a mini-fireman, but instead of putting out fires, it puts out dehydration. If a fire were to break out as I drank this beer, I would feel safe. IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE: Flammability tests have yet to be conducted, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO POUR THIS ON YOURSELF AND LIGHT YOURSELF ON FIRE, YOU MIGHT HARM THE BEER.
• Opinion:
  

  An AMAZING refreshing beer, this beer shall now replace all fire extinguishers
  at my job. It is not overwhelming on the palate, but rather a balanced mix that
  made me fall in love with ales all over again. Plus, it's for a good cause. This
  beer did everything right; it is my new favorite beer. Not much else to write
  here, I thoroughly enjoyed every drop. TheSickness + Hook & Ladder Golden
  Ale = <3.

• Recommended for:

Everyone and the Pope... especially the Pope. Even the dead ones. I LOVE THIS
BEER!

Final Score: 9.3

CHICK'S PICK

7

THE VERDICT:

As beer reviewers with distinct likes and opinions on what a good beer truly consists of, we were surprised when we both decided on it being a 9.3, which is a very high rating for either of us. The special review lady also gave it a high score, which is also noteworthy for an ale. If you are not ordering one while reading this, you have failed as an individual and human being. Go out and buy this beer, and when you do, make sure to send a few bottles our way; don't be a hog, you greedy bastard.